Damn, I've been doing bad. I was doing so good with the no smoking thing, but that has sort of gone by the wayside as well. I'm doing really good with not smoking while I'm at work, which is a good thing since they have outlawed smoking anywhere on campus. At home? Not so good, but better than about a month ago.
Eating? Horrible. Exercise? Practically non existent. I walked a little bit yesterday and I'm trying to talk myself into walking some and then doing some step aerobics tonight.
There's been a lot of stress lately. More than just work anxiety.
Yesterday, while at work, I took a look at this poster that I love. I found it at a yard sale months ago when two ladies from work and I were training for the 3Day Breast Cancer walk.
Here it is:
You may can see, in the bottom lefthand corner, a quote from the Bible. Well, for some reason I sent the following e-mail to the two ladies that I walked in the 3Day with:
I’m not an overly religious person, but I thought I would share a thought with you. K., remember that little bulldog poster I got at that yard sale one time when we walked in town?
I was looking at it earlier and even though I knew this small verse from the Bible was there I just happened to read it again today…
“Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you”
It just made me feel better. I know both of you have been stressed, too, so I wanted to share it with you.
This is what one of them wrote back to me:
"Hello, Amy. You are an answer to pray to me today. I needed to be reminded. I don’t know if you are aware of it, but this verse was what Mrs. E lived her life by every single day. I cannot tell you how many times she reminded me of this verse throughout the 35 years I knew her. Thanks for being my reminder."
So that made me feel even better.
No, I'm not an overly religious person, but I do believe in God. There have been many times throughout the past few months where I have wondered to myself that maybe I should start going back to church, maybe that would be the answer to the despair I have been feeling lately. I'm not sure if that is the answer, but I do think it is important to stop and remember that work and all the little stresses that I feel day-to-day are just that...small. Small worries.
The truth is, I don't know what my problem is. I have so little to be sad about in the whole scheme of things, yet I am. I dread going to work everyday. I hate the fact that I cannot control my eating and that I cannot completely stop smoking. I get little joy out of doing the things that I once enjoyed. Logically, I think I have all the classic signs of clinical depression, but I don't think I am to the point where I need medication, and I DO NOT want medication. I have thought about going to a therapist, but I'm still not sure about this either because as I have said, my problems are small. I know that. I just have to get over it, but I don't know how.
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