Went back...finally

I finally went back to WW after a pretty good week. I still had a gain from the last time I went. Basically, at some point last year I was down about 30 pounds. Now I only have netted a 13.8 lb loss from last year. I guess things could be worse, at least I'm not at the same weight or heavier than I was last year.

I've been doing really well with cooking and not eating out (except for the last couple of days) and exercising (except for the last couple of days). I've been keeping up with the running and I plan on continuing with that until I run in a 5k again.

I've been going through pictures, trying to sort them out better (well it's not what you would call a real effort, but I work through them here and there). Anyway, I absolutely hate looking at my skinny pictures. I hate that I let myself gain this weight again. I fucking hate it. So why the fuck can't I lose it and keep it off? Why is it so fucking hard?

I am just so tired. I'm tired of work, I'm tired of being fat, I'm tired of smoking. I'm just fucking tired. I feel so sorry for my students. I am so burnt out at work that I cannot get into actually teaching, which one would think would be the main focus of my job. No the fuck it isn't. It is full of deadlines and administrative bullshit and keeping up with 8 other instructors and making sure they are doing what they are supposed to be doing. It is making class schedules for next quarter and then instructor and lab assistant schedules to go along with that. It is getting labs up and running for two other schools. It is unfucking the mess that is our labs. Why is it that I am the only person that thinks it is right and good to have things in their place instead of scattered here and there where no one can actually find it because it is not where it is supposed to be? It is moving offices, yet again, and then being told that we are probably going to fucking have to move a-fucking-gain. If it comes down to it, I will beg for us not to be moved again. I like where we are at now...back in our two little rooms away from everyone else in the division. I can get so much work done back there.

So that's my life right now. Burnt the fuck out.