Scared of the scale

I was absolutely terrified to get on the scale this morning. I have been doing so well and I was so scared I would get on and see that I had gained like 2 or 3 pounds. When this happens, it is a real blow. I know all the realistics as far as the scale goes and that your weight can fluctuate anywhere up to 5 pounds in one day. I know that all that really should matter is the fact that clothes are getting looser (which they aren't since I've been in a virtual standstill for some time now).

I did get on the scale this morning and I did see that I was up about 1/2 a pound since yesterday, but I am still lower than what I weighed in at Weight Watchers on Thursday, so that was a relief. I weighed 190, BTW. I will be happy when I am in the 180's and I will be ecstatic when I am back in the 170's. Maybe then my clothes will actually start getting a little looser since most of what I wear now is pretty tight (except for my scrubs).

I just remembered that I have not updated my weightloss (weight gain) chart in a while. That is what I will do after I finish this post.

I hate being terrified of the scale. I hate that I have to weigh myself pretty much everyday to keep my weight and eating in check. I wish that I could just not worry about weight and eating. I wish it were so much easier. It isn't, though, and I know it never will be. I think I resent that more than anything.