Miserable

Why is it that you work hard all your life and there's nothing really to ever show for it? I work my ass off and I have to feel guitly about the house we bought? It wasn't outrageously expensive. In fact, even though we have a 15 year mortgage we are still going to be able to double our monthly payments. Hopefully we'll have the thing paid off in about 5 years unless something major happens.

Yeah, the house needs work and upkeep. Don't they all? I enjoy working in the yard, I enjoy painting and planning on doing things on the inside. I enjoy it because it is my house, my first house, and I can afford to fix it up and make it nice and make it how I want it.

My husband is so miserable with himself (for what reasons I'm not sure) that he makes my life miserable. MISERABLE. And I resent the hell out of him for that. I gave up EVERYTHING to come down this state that I never thought I would live in again to be with him. I came here with nothing and now I'm department head of biology at the college where I teach. I should be happy, I should be satisfied with my life, but all I am is miserable. Miserable and a coward. I know I could pick up and get the hell out of here and make it wherever I decided to go, but I don't have the balls to do it and I doubt I ever will.